


A Rather Substantial 'If'

by InfernalPume



Category: Leviathan - Scott Westerfeld
Genre: F/M, One Shot, Short & Sweet, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 18:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16000457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfernalPume/pseuds/InfernalPume
Summary: A short and sweet conversation about what probably wouldn't have been.Tumblr prompt.





	A Rather Substantial 'If'

Deryn face froze at the question, scratching the side of her head. 

 

The words hung in the air, the accompanied silence heavy on her shoulders. Alek’s look didn’t help things, his eyes were that piercing green again, like when she had first found him in the snow. 

 

“Its a simple question,” Alek said, almost nervously, when she took to long to reply. 

 

“A-aye but,” Deryn said, “But its not like it  _matters_ anyway, does it?”

 

From the look on Alek’s face, that was not the right answer. So much for simple. 

 

“All I mean is- Alek, I’m already off the  _Leviathan_ ,” Deryn said, “And I’m happy on the ground. S’already done now.”

 

“That wasn’t what I asked,” The desperation was beginning to show in his voice now, “I asked if you would come with me,  _specifically_  to Austria- if it were possible, would you?”

 

Another silence, long enough for Alek to feasibly cough and change the subject to avoid the awkwardness. Silences this long and awkward had certainly had that effect in the past. But he didn’t, not this time, not about this. 

 

Deryn gulped. 

 

It had been three days since the signing of the Coexistence Peace Treaty. Three days of meeting old friends, shunning old enemies (such as a certain reporter for  _The New York World_ that had somehow smuggled himself in) and understandably, quite a bit of waiting about in the hotel. It made Deryn’s skin itch to be in Germany, even after the documents had all been safely signed. More then that, the hotel was barking posh, more so then Alek’s room back at the Hotel Hagia Sophia, Deryn didn’t know a bed post could have so many carvings. 

 

With hours spent twiddling her thumbs in Clankerland, a pure dead  _fancy_ Clankerland at that, it was no wonder that Alek noticed her discomfort. Deryn had waved it away when he had asked, and then made the fatal mistake of mentioning it had been just the same in Istanbul. That had lead to asking what the Ottoman Empire had to do with Germany, a conversation like pulling teeth that ultimately was ended by Alek’s politely reminding her that she said she wouldn’t keep things from him anymore. 

 

And now it was out in the open, tired of Deryn’s dithering Alek had just come out and asked: Would she be a Clanker for him, as he had become a Darwinist for her?

 

In some mad world where it was the other way around, where the Emperor had personally knocked on Deryn’s door and given his blessing, would Deryn have gone back to Prague with him? It was too ridiculous to even think about, even in her most desperate mooning Deryn never had the stones to consider the possibility. There were too many factors- she was a commoner, she was a  _crossdresser,_ she was a citizen of the British Empire- more then just a citizen, an  _enemy soldier,_ the only way they could ever have been together was the way it ended up happening.

 

“I just don’t see why you’re so obsessed with ‘if’,” Deryn said, finally breaking the silence, “There isn’t even an ‘if’! It’d just be impossible! There’s really no point in-”

 

“But I  _am_ asking,” Alek said, “Its important to me, Deryn.”

 

 _Blisters._ Not much she could say to that.

 

“Alright, alright,” Deryn said, growling out a sigh, “But there’s a lot more ‘if’s to consider, in that case.”

 

“How so?” Alek asked.

 

“Well,  _if_ I would be coming with you as… well…  _you know,”_ Deryn gestured to the small space between them, “If you’d still have your pope’s letter, or if you’d make do with being a prince. If you were still a prince at all, and if I was still Dylan. If I even  _could_ still be Dylan, or if you’d insist I leave that at the door.” 

 

Alek frowned at all this, thinking to himself. 

 

“Of course I’d want you to be with me,” he finally said, “I don’t know about the pope’s letter, I don’t  _care_ about being a prince, and I’d imagine we’d have the same arrangement we have now.”

 

“Alright,” Deryn said, “But that just opens the door to new ‘if’s. Where would we live? How would we make money without the society- how would  _I_ fit in without someone like the Lady Boffin’s vouching for me?”

 

“We’d stay with Volger, I presume,” Alek added patiently, “He certainly hasn’t had his lands confiscated, not anymore at least. And I suppose he would act to you as Doctor Barlow is towards me.”

 

“Volger hates me,” Deryn said flatly. 

 

Alek sighed and rubbed his forehead. 

 

“Alright,  _if_ our positions were switched. If you were the princess and I was the soldier, if everything was completely swapped, and you would have to denounce Darwinism to be with me in Prague. Would you?”

 

More silence. 

 

“Well…thats a  _pretty_ big if-”

 

“ _Deryn.”_

 

“I don’t bloody  _know_ Alek!” Deryn cried, “I know what you want to hear but you said no more lies. I never even  _thought_ about it before now- and every time I’ve been in a Clanker city it’s just reminded me of Da’s balloon. And I  _know_  thats not fair because you were just as afraid of beasties at first, I reckon I’d  _try_ to be alright with it but…” she sighed. “I just…don’t know.”

 

When Alek didn’t respond, Deryn assumed the worst.

 

“I wish I could say I would,” she said after a while, “If that means anything.”

 

“It does,” Alek said, “And I suppose ‘I don’t know’ counts as an answer.”

 

He sighed, and when Deryn looked back at him he wore a small smile. 

 

“I didn’t know either,” he said, “I’m still not sure if I know. Deryn, I might  _never_ go home again…”

 

There was the sadness again, but Alek seemed to push it back. 

 

“You’re right, I did want you to tell me you would, but not because I want it to be  _fair,”_ Alek said, “I wanted- I want to know that I did the right thing.”

 

His face became desperate again, as if this was as important as  _breathing._  

 

“You’re always so sure about  _everything,_ Deryn. Even when you know there might be consequences- you  _always_ make a decision and stick to it. I thought that maybe if you’d have done the same thing…”

 

“You wouldn’t have to worry anymore.” Deryn finished for him, and sighed, “Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you  _that_ either.”

 

“No,” Alek said, “No, it was a stupid question. Too many factors- the world would have to be a very different place to even consider it.”

 

“Alek, the world  _will_ be a different place,” Deryn said, taking his hand, “We’ve just signed a peace treaty between Clankers and Darwinists- whose to say that you’ll never get to see home again? And remember, the  _Leviathan_ is part Clanker itself now, whose to say the rest of London wont be the same in peace time? Or even Clankerland, for that matter.”

 

She smiled, drawing him close, “There is one answer I can give you. When the time comes where you can go back to Austria, I  _will_ go with you then. It doesn’t matter when, it doesn’t matter why. If I wasn’t willing to let you run off in Istanbul, what makes you think you can shake me in Prague?”

 

Alek couldn’t help but laugh at this, pushing his forehead into her shoulder.

 

“It is rather difficult to escape your influence,” He said with a grin. 

 

“You’re stuck with me, Mr. Hohenberg,” Deryn said, “No ‘if’s about that!”


End file.
